家长该如何跟孩子谈“性”?

2021年1月15日
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如何与男孩谈“性”?这对中国家长是个难题,对外国家长也一样。性教育的缺失,让一种促使男孩在亲密接触中表现得不尊重和冷漠的文化大行其道,也可能是社会一些错误性行为的根源。那么家长应该如何与男孩们进行沟通?男孩们需要明白些什么道理?

Will We Ever Figure Out How to Talk to Boys About Sex?

到底如何与男孩谈“性”?这是个问题

家长该如何跟孩子谈“性”?

The #MeToo movement has exposed sexual misconduct, coercion and harassment across every sector of society. But shining light on a problem won’t, in itself, solve it. To make real change we need to tackle something larger and more systemic: the pervasive culture that urges boys toward disrespect and detachment in their intimate encounters.

#MeToo运动揭露了存在于社会各个领域的性行为不端、性胁迫和性骚扰现象。但是,仅仅关注问题本身并不能解决问题。要想做出真正的改变,我们需要解决一个更广泛、更为根本性的问题:一种促使男孩在亲密接触中表现得不尊重和冷漠的普遍文化。

Four years ago, I began interviewing young men — dozens, of different backgrounds, in their early teens and 20s — about sex and love, sexual consent and misconduct. Few of the boys had previously had such conversations. Certainly not with their parents, most of whom would rather poke themselves in the eye with a fork than speak frankly to their sons about sex.

四年前,我开始采访一些十几到二十几岁、背景各异的年轻男性,共几十人。谈话的内容涉及性与爱、在性关系中征求同意和性行为不端。他们之中很少有人在此之前有过类似的对话——显然是不会和父母谈的,大多数父母宁愿拿叉子自戳双目,也不愿意坦率地和他们的儿子谈论性。

Yet that silence has troubling implications. Adults may assume those ideas are self-evident, beyond the need for comment, but given the rates of coercion, misconduct and assault among men both young and old, boys are clearly not getting the message by osmosis.

然而,这种沉默带来的影响令人不安。成年人也许认为那些道理不言自明、无须多言,但无论是在年轻还是年长的男性中,性胁迫、性行为不端和性侵犯发生的比率都不低,男孩们显然没有从这种潜移默化的方式中明白这些道理。

Boys need to value mutual gratification in their sexual encounters, whether with one-offs or long-term partners. That won’t be accomplished in a single “sex talk,” nor, really, any one easy fix, any more than you could teach your child table manners in one sitting. But at the very least, listening to their struggles is a start.

他们需要在亲密接触中重视相互满足,无论对方是单次的还是长期的伴侣。这一点并非通过一次“性对话”就能达成,也不是任何一个简单的方法就可以真正解决的,就像你不能一次教会你的孩子餐桌礼仪一样。但至少,我们可以从倾听他们的困恼开始。

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